


The Most Epic C#ck Block

by goingdownin221b



Series: Johnlock Drabbles [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: 221 words, Crack, FacialHairDesperation!Anderson, Johnlock - Freeform, ONSDSCANIHAB!John (OhNoSherlockDidSomethingCleverAndNowIHaveABonerShit!John), Potentially deadly pigeon cuddling, The Empty Hearse, disaronnus and goingdownin221b are cracktectives, empty hearse au, like terrible crack, like worse than genetically spliced combo plumber/electrician crack, or something, possibly the first drabble of many
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-03-30 21:56:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13960848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goingdownin221b/pseuds/goingdownin221b
Summary: *ONSDSCANIHABS!John tag courtesy of my wonderful fellow cracktective, @disaronnus.*Potentially deadly pigeon cuddling tag courtesy of a random tag generator. Too perfect not to use.Sherlock returns from the dead at a most inopportune moment.





	The Most Epic C#ck Block

**Author's Note:**

  * For [disaronnus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/disaronnus/gifts).



Anderson had been under John’s heels like a mangy stray for a while now (his chin looked like a poorly-shaven ball sack, and he seemed to have scoured Oxfam for John’s old jumpers), insisting Sherlock was alive. John finally laced the man’s coffee with a laxative.

Yet, here the detective stood--beside the table where John had been about to propose anal sex to Mary. He’d gone to a lot of trouble to loosen her up (no pun intended, although if everything went well...).

The doctor’s jaw tightened as he regarded his friend, who could not have chosen a worse moment.

“Do you have any idea how long he’s been pretending to be straight?” Mary gasped, wide eyes fixed on Sherlock in his inexplicable dutch maid disguise.

John pounded his fist on the table. “Damn it, Sherlock, how--”

“I calculated that the only way to survive a fall from the roof was to hurl myself into a truck full of dead pigeons heading to the taxidermy convention in Sheffield. I took the plunge only to discover the pigeons were diseased--”

John’s jaw dropped. “Brilliant!” He launched himself at Sherlock, knocking the detective’s cheese platter to the floor. He hesitated just shy of kissing him. “You know, perhaps this should wait until I’ve gotten rid of my beard.”

“Hey!” Mary cried indignantly.


End file.
